The air deposits salt on my tongue but it is not nearly enough. I glance longingly at the sky, cradling my elbows, my feet never stopping. The moon behind the thin clouds reminds me of its view beneath the water, a distorted shimmer that could be anything.
Another gust of sea-scented air washes over me, bringing the slap-slap sound of uneven footsteps. I force my screaming legs to move faster, keeping my head down. The noise takes my ears captive, growing louder, closer. I peek over my shoulder, the saccadic movements of a drunkard meeting my eyes.I veered to cross the street, taking enough care to avoid the puddles of slimy unidentified substances settled in the chipped asphalt. A greasy finger trailed down my arm and a soundless scream built up in my throat at his sudden closeness.Adrenaline loaned my feet wings and I flew automatically to the place that had always been my safe haven. My body launched into the air, snapping into position. It cut through the water perfectly and I propelled myself deeper; my porcelain legs replaced by a scaled tail.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Show Don't Tell -Crash, Boom, Lightning-
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A scaled tail? No ordinary character, then. :)
ReplyDeleteI love your Crusader Challenge entry!
Fantastic imagery, especially in the last line. Great job!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written!
ReplyDeleteLovely - and great last line. Now I want to know more about your MC!
ReplyDeleteOoh, I love that she changes shape! Nice tension :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome! She got away by changing! I hope she got away, at least!
ReplyDeleteWow! Mermaid? I want to know. Great read. ; )
ReplyDeleteNice entry. I love mermaids and I was pulling for her to get away.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it fantastic, how different everyone is dealing with the same specifications?!?! Interesting ... wondered, what the MC was fleeing from or what's going to happen next! Great job!
ReplyDeleteKarin @ Nofretiris Dream Of Writing
Most creepy! I shuddered when I read your line about greasy fingers trailing down her arm :) Great Challenge entry!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Rach
Excellent - I love the transformation/metamorphosis at the end. Very nice!
ReplyDelete"...the saccadic movements of a drunkard meeting my eyes." Nice use of that tricky word!
ReplyDeleteGrant @ Grant's Big Blog
To everyone who guessed she was a mermaid, you are correct. ^^ Thank all of you so much for commenting and for your support. It helps raise my spirits since my mother won't be here for Easter.
ReplyDeleteDude! Brooke! I'm jealous of how many awesome adjectives you know. . . xD "chipped asphalt", "greasy finger", "Adrenaline loaned my feet wings", and "distorted shimmer". Uh, awesome! ^__^
ReplyDeleteSo mysterious! I'm glad she was able to escape. I hadn't thought of mermaids needing salt - what a neat idea!
ReplyDeleteExcellent example of show, don't tell!
ReplyDeletesaccadic - had to look that up.
Except for the drunkard, this sounds like my rush home after a concert next to the water this past Thursday night. Good thing the outdoor concerts are under a tarp.
-headdesk- Looking back over this I just realized I switched tenses half way through.
ReplyDelete