Saturday, May 19, 2012

The Paper Mountain Awards (#1)

The scene: You are in a theater, seated in your favorite spot. You have the perfect view. Hundreds of seats filled with writers surround you. A white curtain is drawn across the stage. A chime sounds and all the quiet conversations stop. The lights dim. Anticipation wells up inside you. The curtain draws back...

"Welcome to the Paper Mountain Awards," a high voice bounces through the speakers. "I'm your host, Brooke." A spotlight shines down on the stage, illuminating a short blonde girl in a purple dress.

"Excuse me, but I believe I'm the host," another voice speaks up and a second light snaps on. A girl exactly like the first stands there, in a grey dress, hands on her hips.

"Brooklynn, I thought we agreed this was my-"

"Tonight's first award was proposed by Tara Tyler. She may not always say much, but when she speaks, you better listen. That's why, when she suggested this award for our show, we jumped straight on it. Now, without any further ado, the winners of the The Versatile Blogger are... are..." She pats her dress, searching.

"Ahem," Brooke clears her throat. "Are you looking for this?" She dangles a white envelope between her fingers.

"Give me that!"

"No." Brooke calmly flicks open the envelope and starts to read. "And the winners are Kadie Kinney, Teralyn Pilgrim, and Tizzy Potts!"

You clap politely with everyone else as the writers walk onstage to accept their awards. The applause makes it impossible to hear what Brooklynn is shouting. At least from your seat. Brooke seems to have heard her.

The girl in the purple dress rolls her eyes and says, "Fine. You can announce the next award." She holds out a second envelope.

Brooklynn snatches it out of her hand and huffs, but puts a smile on her face when she addresses the audience. "This next award is one we all know and love." She pauses, her lips still parted, and leans toward the audience before continuing. "That's right, it's the One Lovely Blog Award. The privilege of giving away this award was given to us by Laura Barnes. Which makes sense since she's as lovely as they come. Am I right?"

There are some cheers from the back of the auditorium. Holding the envelope where everyone can see, Brooklynn opens the envelope and slowly extracts a stiff card. The words are too small to read from where you sit, but there's no need. Brooklynn reads them for you. "The winners of the One Lovely Blog Award are Jessica Sayler, Kate Coursey, and Rachel Morgan!"

Brooke wheels the awards out on a small trolley as the writers make their way onto the stage. Brooklynn reaches to take them, but Brooke pulls them away. Though her lips barely move, she's still wearing a mic. "You announced the winners so I'm going to give out the award."

And then the fighting starts. "Just give me the award." "This was supposed to be my show anyway." "Just give it me!" "No!" "I said give-"

Then the lights go out and the curtain drops. Another chime sounds, overriding over the sound of the two fighting girls. A rumbling voice announces, "Thank you for watching the Paper Mountain Awards. Congratulations to all our winners. We hope to see you next time!"

You can still hear the girls screeching at each other in the background.


  1. Hahahaha! Thanks so much for the award! I'll have to hop around to these other blogs :).

  2. no way!
    1st, thanks so much for the awrd & letting me be mentioned in your show!
    and 2nd, i wrote a fairytale to present some awards for monday!

    again i say, no way! love it! we are so great minds!

    1. I always try to make my awards posts into stories. Makes it more enjoyable that way. I have another one that's based around a train ride.

      And actually, you're the one who gave me the award. I just got around to posting about it. I'm slow like that.

  3. You certainly have a unique way of giving out awards :) Well done!

  4. What a fantastic and fun way of handing out blog awards! And thank you so much for awarding me :-)

  5. LOL the most original of award giving things I have ever seen. I gave you the versatile blogger award on Friday but these things are a pain. If you don't want to do it, that's fine by me.

    1. Always. :) I did see that. I stuck it in my draft award post. I'll get around to it months from now. ;)

  6. Oooo, an awards show! I wish I could see all your glamorous outfits! Congrats on your fabulous awards.

    1. I can promise you, Theresa, that they probably aren't all that glamorous. But maybe a bit. ;)

  7. Hah! What a fun presentation. Congratulations on the awards! :)