As part of last year's New Year's Resolution to become better at critiquing, I joined Unicorn Bell. I am fairly active there, submitting and critiquing pieces. Now, I am participating in their first blogfest.The idea is to use a picture for inspiration. Go here to see the ten possible choices. The one I chose is below with my story.
SHOW ME YOUR FANGS
Perhaps disobeying her mother was a mistake, but she never regretted it. Especially not this time.
Never go to the park.
She swayed lazily in the swing, her foot scraping the ground. The playground was deserted. Not unusual. Neither was the sound of rusty chains creaking, the wind fancied itself a child, but it caused her to glance at the swing beside her anyway.
If you ever see him, run.Resting in the arch of worn leather was a giant spider. Not the size-of-your-big-toe giant. Larger-than-your-head giant. Her foot came down flat, ceasing her endless motion. She blinked, slow, deliberate.
Spider coloring gone, he sat watching her. His black hair fell over a couple of his eight eyes, red ringing each pupil. He had an arm laced around the swing’s chain, eight fingers laced through it.
Don’t speak to strangers.
“Tell me, are your spidey senses tingling?” She started to swing again.
When he blinked, his eyelids moved in a wave of motion. “You aren’t frightened?”
“Well,” she leaned toward him, her swing bumping his, “show me your fangs.”
---to be continued
Oh dear ... well even if his ain't, my spidey senses sure are a-tingling.
ReplyDeleteDon't she know rule 1 is never ask something with eight eyes to show you their fangs?
Heck, I'd be out-running a rocket by now. Icky spiders. Bleh.
On another note, if you plan to add more to it, I'd suggest changing/removing one of the 'laced' to avoid the echo.
Well, you know, she is pretty good at breaking rules. -grins- But hey, wait 'til you see the rest. I'll have it up soon enough and then we'll see who's the foolish one. ;)
DeleteOh, I did that on purpose. It had a particular ring in my head... Maybe I should revise to make it more obvious I meant to?
This is cool. I liked how you blurred the edge between spider and boy.
ReplyDeleteBrooke, this is a great start to something wonderfully eerie. After reading 1000th Monkeys piece over and over, I now worry more about your dear girl's motives than the spider.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Aldrea, I'd be running for the hills. But not this girl. What is she capable of with nerves of steel like this?
lol After reading Monkey's piece myself I can see why you would be getting those vibes.
DeleteMaybe it's not nerves. Maybe it's knowledge. ;)
Oh, I LOVE this! Incredibly imaginative!
ReplyDeleteAw, thanks, Rachel. ^^ I hope you think the same thing when you read the rest of it.
DeleteoK. I'll bite. What comes next? Do I need fangs to learn patience or are you going to keep me in suspense? :)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to post the rest of it as soon as I write it. ^^ And I think the only one who should be biting here is the spider. XD
Delete'The wind fancied itself a child'. Beautiful turn of phrase.
ReplyDeleteI do love that line but I was worried no one else would. Thank you, Sarah. ^^
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