Friday, March 09, 2012

If You Catch It

Go here for the prompts and challenges. I chose to do activities one, two, and three in the adult genre.

MY PITCH

The isle of Rihn is home to a rare, contagious muscle disease. If you catch it, you’re dead. Rihn’s inhabitants are trapped there, the bridge connecting them to the mainland long ago destroyed and the surrounding water a great incubation place for the disease. The people live in squander, the outside world forgotten in favor of surviving this one. But, when a plane crash gifts them with Julio, a world renowned engineer, repairing the bridge suddenly seems possible. The only thing is, if they leave their little island, the muscle disease of Rihn might not be so rare anymore.
-99 words

MY FLASH FICTION
          Julio watched his boy roll the ball up and down the stable section of the ruined bridge. A high-pitched laugh drifted on the wind. He pushed the long strands of wet hair off his forehead and glanced at his wife. She stretched out, her leg held away from her body. Her eyes met his and she smiled.
           “Don’t worry, Julio. It’s not that deep.”
           His gaze jumped to her torn leg. “Maria, you know exposed muscle triples your chances.”
           She pushed herself up on her elbows. “That doesn’t mean I’m going to catch it.”
           He picked up a handful of the rough sand, let it fall. “I told you not to dig in the trash heaps.”
           “Would you rather Javier did it instead?” She said, her soft fingers twisting through his.
           “We can survive without eating garbage.”
           She snorted. “And how do you suppose we do that? They’re never going to rebuild the bridge, Julio. The world has abandoned us from fear.”
           A splash cut through the silence. He jumped to his feet. The white ball rode the ripples caused by his son’s fall.
           He ran, knowing it was too late.
           The disease had struck.
-195 words
MY POEM

run, run, run
a s f a r ,
asfast,
as you can

run, run, run
away from the body
away from the Disease

because,
though you’re the one in front
you just might
catch It
-36 words                              

39 comments:

  1. Whoa. That was intriguing. What happens next?!

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  2. Love the story and the poem. I would definitely read a story with this pitch. Just one thing - did you intend to let the pitch trail off mid-sentence because of the word count or was that a format error? It's not like you.

    Woman, write this book :-)

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    1. Thank you, Sarah. And oh my gosh, you are totally right about the pitch! I've fixed it now. I don't know how that slipped by me. It's probably because I was in such a hurry to post before time ran out!

      lol I really don't know if it's my thing. I attempted adult for just this short piece as part of the challenge. Don't know if I could write a complete book in that genre.

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  3. Ohhhhh! I love the last stanza of your poem!

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    1. Thank you, Rachele (love your name by the way). I decided to write the poem at the last second so I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

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  4. Brooke, I can't find you on the list to 'like'.

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    1. Neither can I! Something must have gone wrong. The first time I tried entering the linky list, it told me there was a problem, but when I tried it again it said it when through.

      Guess I'm going to have to email Rachael. Can she fix that?

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  5. That was very good - lots going on in that story without being "told".

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  6. This is great stuff. Definitely sounds like it would be an interesting book. Will they find a cure?

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    1. I hadn't even considered that option... I was too focused on whether or not they would get off the island. XD

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  7. The story is so believable and intriguing. Nice job! I'm #36 :)

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  8. Fantastic! This is one of those flash fiction pieces where it feels like there's more behind it. Like it's a novel you've been working on for a while and not just a single scene constructed for a writing challenge.
    The white ball rode the ripples caused by his son’s fall. <--- Love that line!

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    1. Thank you, Rachel. That means so much especially seeing as that is not the case, though I did put quite a bit of thought into the world, more than I normally do for a flash fiction piece. And I'm glad you like that line! I was afraid it was too abrupt.

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  9. What a fascinating concept! Great job using the prompts. :-)

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  10. great job with the prompts and linking all your pieces!

    ps, consider yourself awarded =)

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    1. Thanks, Tara. I'll be by pronto to pick it up. I haven't even actually officially accepted the last one you gave me.... I did start the post though!

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  11. Your words flowed nicely in this entry. Nothing sounded forced or overdone and I enjoyed reading it very much! Just wish I knew what happened to the boy, it can't be "too late!" (:

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    1. Thank you so much for this lovely comment. ^^ I would point you to some of my other stories, but I don't want you to lose hope...

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  12. I really liked this. I have to agree with Rachel... I loved that line. Great job.

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  13. I love this premise, and the ending was good. Real heart-in-the-mouth stuff. Well done!

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  14. Great pitch, Brooke! a qu. - when you said "live in squander", did you mean "live in squalor"?

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  15. Flowed nicely. Very good idea. Well done!

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  16. Loved the poem best, Brooke! I hope you delve deeper into this story and work it to develop a book, it would be a great read!

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    1. Thank you, C. ^^ I don't really know if I could write this into a book, perhaps if I was just totally blank for an idea. I don't see that happening though. ;)

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  17. Some really great lines here. My favorite also is the poem

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  18. I love the idea behind this. It's written really well and I would really like to read more!

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  19. On your pitch...I think you mean "squalor" and not "squander".

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    1. So I've been told. I often get words switched around like that from where I've only ever read them and not heard someone say them. It's why I pronounce lilac like lil-ick.

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  20. Oh, what a creepy idea and so well written!

    (I'm #82.)

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  21. Neat idea, and it flowed nicely. Great job!

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  22. Great work tying your submissions together. I really like the story premise.

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  23. Great writing and great changes to your blog! I love the background. It gives you so much depth.

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    1. Thank you, Laura. ^^ I'm glad you, with your marketing eye, like it. I was tempted to ask what you thought but I know you're busy. And oh yes! The background! I'm so happy it passed the test. It was a huge pain just to get it up.

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  24. Very nice, Brooke. I love the concept! Quite intriguing.

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  25. Very nice job. It makes me want to read more. I want to know what happens to the boy and his parents.

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