Friday, February 24, 2012

Ignoring Them Doesn't Make Them Disappear

Shadows crept across the wall. I tried to ignore them. I failed.

My gaze drifted out the window again and again, but the orange simulated sun stayed pinned to the center of the sky. Its fake warmth faded as the shadows grew longer, making goosebumps pop up on my arms. My holographic classmates seemed unaffected, continuing their chatter.

I grew aware of my heart pounding, pushing blood through the veins in my neck and wrists.

The shadows covered the whiteboard so the bright words were no longer legible. The overhead fluorescent lights didn’t help and the sun dimmed as I watched. Color seeped away, dragged down into the darkness. My peers sat in their desks, tight-lipped with the complexion of corpses. I was alone in a grey cell.

I hugged my legs to my chest and shivered, my teeth clanking together.
The shadows pooled around my desk. There was no longer enough light to see the wall farthest from me.

A mechanical voice filled the room, “You have been disqualified from the program. Your simulation will now end.”

Dry heaves wracked my body.

The shadows touched my foot. They were cold. The seat disappeared from under me as everything faded.
-200 words

54 comments:

  1. Intense and creepily wonderful! Is this set in a dystopian world? Loved your voice in this piece!

    Mine is #82

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    1. "Creepily wonderful!" I think that is my favorite description of my writing ever and probably the most accurate.

      I guess it is a dystopian world. I thought about the setting some, but since I wrote this piece specifically for the challenge, I don't know much about it.

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  2. Like the simulation announcement. That was a surprise.

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  3. Creative twist at the end! Well done :)

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  4. Holographic classmates, mechanical voices and simulated desks. It's nice to read something so delightfully different! like it!

    (Hi! I'm Susan from My Withershins. Sorry I have to use my alter-ego, but Blogspot does not seem to like it when we Wordpress folks want to comment on their sites!)

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  5. Is this what Hunger Games is like except you don't have to die at the end? Nice job. Glad you made the deadline!

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    1. I'm really glad I made the deadline, too. Let me tell you, I was cutting it close. Three minutes! (Is it cheating if I posted the post blank first to make sure I made it?)

      And obviously you've never read The Hunger Games. I highly recommend that you do.

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  6. Good luck on your entry. :) May the judging commence.

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    1. I guess you can't tell me what you think because they would be cheating, no? But you can tell me what you think of my new layout, yes?

      Thanks for judging, Michael. ^^ Sorry I've fallen a little behind on your blog in the last couple weeks.

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  7. Great work on giving us enough at the beginning that we know something's wrong, so when everything falls apart, it's not too jolting. I really enjoyed reading this!

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    1. Thank you. I'm glad that the beginning works for me. I wasn't sure if the first few sentences flowed with the sequence of the rest of the piece.

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  8. Very nice! I'm impressed! I'm so out of it I didn't even know this was happening, good luck!

    I also wanted to stop by and thank you for your comments on my blog and let you know I tagged you in a fun blog survey if you want to participate!

    Hope you're doing well.

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    1. The Campaign or the Challenge? I almost missed the Challenge because I'm so behind on posts that I didn't see it until I remembered to go check it out on Rachael's blog.

      Oh, it's no problem. I enjoy reading what you have to say. ^^ I will definitely check out the tag as soon as possible.

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  9. You drew me in completely with this. It's strange, intriguing. Seems very dystopian. Very nice!

    I'm entry #207.

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  10. Very interesting! You have beautiful descriptions and writing!

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  11. oh! It's good. loved it.

    please read mine at 181 "don't eat my toes, OK?" a kid lit one.

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  12. Tag, you're it! Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to copy the 11 questions from my blog post entitled 'Tagged, again, among other things', answer them on your blog and tag 7 more bloggers. You can find my blog by copying this address http://mywithershins.wordpress.com into your browser or find the link on my Humpty Dumpty blog site.

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    1. Thanks, Susan. ^^ I will get on these as soon as possible. I will warn you however that I am very slow with these things. XD

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  13. Great little flash piece, Brooke! a fascinating glimpse into an intriguing world!

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  14. Interesting, tight writing. The program seems unfair to the character, but I don't know if that's good or bad. My entry is #182.

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    1. The fact that the program is unfair or if it's a good or bad thing she's being kicked out? I'm not entirely understanding your comment.

      I will stop by and read. ^^

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  15. Your blank post came up in my reader but then I missed this - so glad I decided to go to the end of the list and check some out :-)

    I'll be honest, I was hoping for something a bit special from you. (No pressure!). I'm so glad I was right, I loved this :-)

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    1. I'm so glad you decided to go back to the end, too. ^^ Sorry about the blank post, I was trying to make sure I made it onto the linky list.

      Shu. For a second there I thought you were about to tell me I hadn't reached your expectations. ^^ I was afraid this wasn't the best since I was hurrying to write it at the last minute.

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    2. I honestly can't think of a single time where I've read something of yours and thought, 'hmm, that's not as good as usual'.

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    3. Ah thanks, Sarah. ^^ I'm glad that you see a continuous level of awesomeness, though I am also glad that I can see varying levels in my writing, showing me what I need to improve on, etc.

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  16. Congrats! As a judge for this part of the fourth campaign, I've selected your entry to advance to round two. Good job, writer!

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  17. And right on the heals of Lesann, I too would like to congratulate you on advancing to the next round of the competition.

    I had to choose 2 from a list of 15, and in the end your unique use of virtual reality -- with a sinister foreshadowing of what may be outside the sim -- really got me. Your writing is also spot on, crisp, and full of great visuals.

    Good luck with the next round.

    T.B.

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    1. Why thank you very much, T.B. ^^ I'm glad that you enjoyed my writing and took away all that awesomeness from it.

      Thank you for taking the time to help judge this challenge. I appreciate it.

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  18. First off, thank you Brooke for marking my book "to read" on goodreads. I felt so honored that you'd do that.

    Second, your flash fiction zoomed into the semi-finals. Not only are you in the top 10% but in your particular group, I lumped more entries than in any other because of an odd number of participants and I required the judge to pick only two to go on. Yours was one of those two.

    I have a feeling you're gonna win this thing. Can't say I'm surprised at all. Your talent is incredible.

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    1. It's nothing, Michael. For some reason your plot hadn't really clicked with me until I was reading your reviews. I love the idea of the super computer gone mad and I've been wanting to read more LGBT books. May will be here sooner than we think.

      Okay, two questions on the judging. Why is it every group seemed to have two judges? And how is the percentage determined? Do you mean my votes?

      Oh, and thank you very much. ^^ This is why I keep you around despite your sometimes sarcastic, pessimist attitude (which I love, well more the sarcasm). XD

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  19. Very interesting. Is this from a longer piece? I'd love to know more about what is going on.

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    1. Actually, no. I wrote it just with this challenge in mind. But, if you ask me anything you want to know, I could make up some answers. ;)

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  20. I like it! Nice job :). I've never been good at flash fiction.

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  21. Really good. I enjoyed this. Mine is #71

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  22. Nice entry! Very original. = ) Like another said, I'm glad I started at the end of the list today. ; )

    I'm #149
    melissamaygrove.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Melissa. Now, if only more people would...

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  23. Thanks for stopping by my blog! I see that you write free verse poetry!?! So awesome! =) I hope you decide to join the reading challenge! Also, this piece is awesome! Very creepy.

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    1. I haven't written any for a while (am working on something now though), but yes. ^^ I have some posted if you go back in the archives to April.

      Thank you for returning my visit and taking the time to read and comment.

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  24. Brooke, I love what you say to Michael here almost as much as I love this entry.

    Simulated sun. Every time I read a book without real light it makes me feel a little sick. But I can see here, it's better than the alternative. Excellent!

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    1. I'm assuming you're referring to the second response and hoping that means you like both of them a lot.

      I'm glad everyone got that it was bad for her to be kicked out of the program. It lets me know that there are ways to avoid confusion without having to spell everything out.

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  25. Impressive si-fi with a twist! I liked!

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  26. Congratulations, you have been chosen as a winner in the first Campaign challenge.

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    1. Oh wow!! Thank you so much. This definitely boosted my happiness levels through the roof.

      Delete
  27. This was so intriguing, Brooke! I'm glad you managed to slide your entry in before closing (LOL, I'll pretend I didn't see your comment above *grins*). I'd love to know more about it, what brought her there and particularly what disqualified her!

    I've awarded you Fourth Place overall in the Judging Round! A huge congrats to you, and don't forget to pop by my blog to see the prizes you've won :)

    Hugs,

    Rach

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    1. -whistles even though I can't- What comment?

      I think I would like to know to. And what the outside world is like. Hmm...

      Thank you so much, Rachael! ^^ I will be over pronto to check it out.

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  28. Hey I taged you in the Lucky Seven meme for the 4th Platform Builder's Campaign. Go here to see what it's all about. http://caenus.blogspot.com/2012/04/lucky-seven-meme-and-sky-throne-excerpt.html

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    1. Thanks, Christopher. ^^ I've already gotten tagged once, but this just gives me an excuse to post two excerpts right? ;) And it reminds me to get off my butt and right that post!

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