The Lullaby

Yesterday, I mentioned the novel I am currently rewriting and how my first ledge (or goal) would be making it worth reading. Today, I finished rewriting an important aspect of my novel, the thing my novel is named after and centered around. I want to post it here, the rewrite as well as the original, so maybe you'll be able to determine for yourself whether I'm getting better or not. But before we get into that I want to tell you a little about my novel.

The title is The Lullaby. It is the first novel I have ever completed and my first NaNo novel. The first draft was completed at 30,236 words. Not a full NaNo novel but good enough for a 12-year-old participating in the YWP (this year I'm going for the full thing). It's mostly YA fantasy, I guess, though there's a little bit of realistic fiction in there. Weird combination, I know, but those are my two favorite things to read so it makes sense if you think about it. The original novel was set in 1914 in London but I don't think I pulled it off well so now it's set in modern times in New York City. I even found this cool tunnel for them to live in that really did exist. The new setting is working much better for me

The plot is kind of hard to describe. Most writers know theirs inside and out and I do but it's hard for me to talk about. I hate when people ask me about it. But basically, it's about a young Giant named Tilo from a sort-of-alternate-universe called Syng who comes into our world. He meets a group of homeless kids on the London streets. Not realizing what it will do, he sings a lullaby to some of them that his mother used to sing to him. It ends up changing them genetically so that they can do things that humans normally can't. There's a few major side plots but that's the main story.

You may have guessed by the title that the major aspect I rewrote today was the lullaby that Tilo sings. I actually really enjoy writing poetry, I run a whole site dedicated to it hosted by Neopets. (I may set up a page for my poetry on this blog as well, my top bar looks kind of empty.) Now prepare yourself to see a major difference between the before and after.

Before

Far far away

There is a land

Not so lovely made

Where humans roam

Laying down the earth’s tomb

But you my love

Are safe right here

To the ones you love always near

After

Listen

Do you hear?

The sound

Of chipmunks chattering

In your ear

Watch

Do you see?

The sight

Of future happenings

Between you and me

If you do

Which you may

Be very careful

With the games

You play

You can see the improvement (I hope!) and differences, in subject, length, and form. The first version is about how humans are wrecking their world but the Giants are safe in Syng. The second version is about the Giants' magic and how Tilo's special kind of magic hasn't been discovered yet. I've been singing the rewrite to myself all day, something I never did with the original. I'm hoping that means it's much better as a lullaby.

I didn't do any better with time, I think this post may have actually taken me longer. I'm feeling positive about my blogging so I guess it's worth it. I'm about half way through The Haunting of Derek Stone: City of the Dead & Bayou Dogs. Here's to hoping I can post my first review tomorrow.