tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post3486243183668976719..comments2023-10-11T05:06:04.185-05:00Comments on Paper Mountain: The Nature of MagicBrooke R. Bussehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-17628602637647353272011-03-30T14:07:03.844-05:002011-03-30T14:07:03.844-05:00Why thank you. ^^ I am grateful for every bit of e...Why thank you. ^^ I am grateful for every bit of encouragement at this point. I'm just coming out of my slump and this definitely helps.Brooke R. Bussehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-41375212546558636552011-03-30T10:54:48.766-05:002011-03-30T10:54:48.766-05:00Awww! I think I felt my heart melt just then. Grea...Awww! I think I felt my heart melt just then. Great selection!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-33155698474287356672011-03-29T16:57:46.858-05:002011-03-29T16:57:46.858-05:00Gina, I think you are what every writer looks for ...Gina, I think you are what every writer looks for in a commenter. You give helpful constructive criticism yet encouragement at the same time. A perfect blend. When I come back to this piece I will definitely consider your suggestions. ^^Brooke R. Bussehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-13666195837165365842011-03-29T16:22:03.865-05:002011-03-29T16:22:03.865-05:00This was good. Here's how it could be better:
...This was good. Here's how it could be better:<br />1) Change up the order of the characters' actions and switch up some of the sentence structure so that it's not so much "He said this...she said that...then he did..."<br /><br />2) Give us more of what they're feeling. You tell us a LOT through the characters dialogue, but I need more than just "I want through intense hunger" I rubbed my stomach. Maybe she twitched at the thought? Her heart twinged? Her stomach grumbled sympathetically. Her eyelashes fluttered holding back something that might have been tears years ago but now was just a memory. Let us SEE how she feels, not just hear it through her words.<br /><br />Otherwise, nice job. Good luck in the contest.<br /><br /><3 Gina BlechmanG Blechmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16707186693109337726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-2451370062266693822011-03-28T19:43:02.452-05:002011-03-28T19:43:02.452-05:00Aww, I really liked the romance between the charac...Aww, I really liked the romance between the characters. Thanks for participating!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-14864418527262343592011-03-27T21:49:23.041-05:002011-03-27T21:49:23.041-05:00I enjoyed this. The rainbow analogy is excellent.
...I enjoyed this. The rainbow analogy is excellent.<br />Nancy<br /><a href="http://nrwilliams.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium.</a>N. R. Williamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174506528962095858noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-29105674831367941592011-03-27T18:52:12.352-05:002011-03-27T18:52:12.352-05:00Oh I love the rainbow story from the little boy. S...Oh I love the rainbow story from the little boy. So sweet. And magical. Thank you so much for sharing this little snippet for our blogfest.<br /><br />~ <a href="http://thatrebelwithablog.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">that rebel, Olivia</a>Olivia J. Herrell, writing as O.J. Barréhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01107021392937169669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-25853508820530340442011-03-27T15:37:09.772-05:002011-03-27T15:37:09.772-05:00What a brave little girl. Interesting story.What a brave little girl. Interesting story.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-41432246647214229812011-03-27T14:33:14.769-05:002011-03-27T14:33:14.769-05:00And thank you for hosting it. ^^
Will do.And thank you for hosting it. ^^<br /><br />Will do.Brooke R. Bussehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-6666774084566843742011-03-27T12:57:13.210-05:002011-03-27T12:57:13.210-05:00awwww that's such a sweet story!!! Love it! Ma...awwww that's such a sweet story!!! Love it! Magic is where your heart is happy, one might say... <br /><br />Thank you so much for taking part! <br /><br />Do check in on mine or Laura's blog on March 30th to see the list of finalists and vote on your favourite.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11046724975658216337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-36335298279040079772011-03-27T12:20:37.499-05:002011-03-27T12:20:37.499-05:00@stu I was afraid of that. I suppose for first dra...@stu I was afraid of that. I suppose for first draft it works but I know I'll have to work on it during revisions.<br /><br />Thanks Trisha and Michelle. And welcome to my blog, Michelle. ^^ I hope you enjoy.Brooke R. Bussehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-53921292734322252832011-03-27T12:04:16.097-05:002011-03-27T12:04:16.097-05:00magic and romance. a great combination.magic and romance. a great combination.Michelle Gregoryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05747275507200268417noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-52493626591545185112011-03-27T05:25:48.719-05:002011-03-27T05:25:48.719-05:00It's an interesting take on what magic means t...It's an interesting take on what magic means to the character, though possibly, the dialogue comes across just a fraction too much like you describing a scene, rather than the character doing it.stuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16388674850920848503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8223068889792863979.post-25829146647645881292011-03-27T04:21:06.771-05:002011-03-27T04:21:06.771-05:00This was a beautiful extract Brooke! Great job.
L...This was a beautiful extract Brooke! Great job.<br /><br />Love your description of the rainy day, and the little boy and his explanation of the locket gift.Trishahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16927558937796802496noreply@blogger.com